It’s a Trans Readathon!

Okay, I’m behind on everything, and as I just wrote to a friend, I’m having insomnia to rival the Great Insomniatic Episode of 2021, and I’m way behind on everything, but I wanted to make a tiny post about the #TransRightsReadathon. It’s a thing going on right now, and it’s a good thing, and it will end this weekend ; x, but if you want to throw a short book down the hatch, I’ve got two of my books on pay what you want on Itch-IO (and if what you want to pay is zero dollars, that is totally fine!)

The Pink and the Blue is a sweaty, neon read that probly takes less than an hour. It’s mostly people bleeding prettily. You can grab a digital copy for free here.

Money money money, ain’t it funny, in a rich man’s world….

a/e is a novella which takes.. maybe a little more time to read. But not much. You can grab that here.

My wonderful writer Tucker Lieberman has also made his book MOST FAMOUS SHORT FILM OF ALL TIME available for the readathon; now, there are many things I’d call SHORT FILM, except short–however, I can’t think of a more appropriate book for a week of reading commemorating trans rights! So definitely grab that if you can. I know I gush about my writers and their books, but it’s truly the best.

Tucker is supporting the Transgender Law Center with his readathon, and anybody who has the means to donate can do that here. Trans rights are under attack so vigorously in the states right now and every little bit helps.

Thanks for listening, PSA is over and I wish you all a happy reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Swear, That Bitch-Ass Country

…

Will ban fat-dicked girls and too-handsome short annoying men before addressing any of its actual problems.

Can’t say I’m shocked, US–very on brand.

So in a foamy video (I watched it, so you don’t have to), Donald Trump promises to end ….‘transgenderism’ if he gets reelected…

Sir, your inner cities are wastelands of people forsaken by the government.  The safety of US schools is a tragedy, and healthcare a mess. And maybe you’ve heard, but the planet seems to be melting down? Or something? You’ve got 85642878548855 problems on the docket, and they’ll all be waiting for you even after this legislative tantrum against trans people, you griftoid pinhead.

As for anyone else: I’ve gotten jaded talking about Tran stuff, because I’ve realized that railing against trans people fulfills inside some small-minded individuals a need to control SOMETHING. And that this petulant, bullying, childish need to exert control over others’ autonomy (sometimes, regarding issues as pathetically petty as who has the autonomy to wear a dress in public) exists in a realm leagues away from good faith, reason or often even…basic coherency.. But hey, here’s every dumdum anti-trans argument I’ve ever heard, debunked and mocked to rest, once and for all. Rant mode e n g a g e d. Feel free to equip any of these if you encounter them free-range.

‘I’m not anti-trans, but why are they pushing their agenda on young people? Let kids be kids.’

What I hear when people use this argument: I think being gay and/or trans isn’t a superficial qualifier, but a weird sexual fetish that needs to be kept from children. I think gay/trans kids should not be allowed to know that there are people like them in the world They should grow up clueless and in shame, and they should be forced into unhappy lives, pretending they are straight.

—

I am queer, I am trans; my child has known me since he was a baby. …Do people who say this think he didn’t have a childhood, because he knows this basic information about me?

Straight couples’ kids know that they are a couple. They know that men and women have relationships, and that these are called marriage. If children can know about straight people and their relationships in age-appropriate ways–they can know the same parallel information about trans and queer people, and still ‘be kids.’

‘Blah blah bathrooms male predators blah blah I don’t want to be in a bathroom with men.’

Translation when I hear this argument: I don’t want to face the hard fact that sexual predators are often people allowed close to the family/ in the family. I’d rather keep ringing my hands over a hypothetical Man in a Crooked Wig Bathroom Groper than address issues that could protect actual people. Because to do THAT, I would have to examine the skeletons in my own circle’s closet…

—

I don’t know when and where this mythical idea sprung up that *checks notes* public bathrooms are some hotspot for women and/or children to get assaulted by men. It’s beyond odd. If you’re willing to go as far as to rape a woman or molest children, a sign on a door isn’t going to stop you. This is perhaps the most brain-rottey of all these arguments and yet I hear people use it in earnest regularly. The places I’ve most heard about sexual assault happening (especially when it concerned younger people), has been at home/school, by people their parents trusted them to be alone with. So uh yeah… perhaps we should be looking into that.

And sadly, the bathroom panic is ongoing. If you want to here some trans good news in the recent sea of terribleness, check out this absolutely amazing speech by Arkansas senator Clark Tucker, who just now managed to strike down an Arkansas bathroom bill that would criminalize a trans adult as a sex-offender for using a public restroom with a child present. God knows, there is not a lot of good trans news lately, but the measured and passionate way this man laid it all down was a sight of beauty to me. Bravo, Senator Tucker. And thank you. ❤ It’s fifteen minutes, and so worth it.

‘I don’t think teens/young adults are mature enough to make permanent decisions about their bodies.’ : ( 

Translation when I hear this argument: I don’t actually know the process for how trans people get hormones/surgeries and how difficult and time-consuming it is, and I don’t know actual trans people. I also have no issue with teenagers being in situations that permanently alter their bodies, so long as I’ve deemed that situation ”normal.” (see sports, see forcing pregnant teenage girls to give birth to babies rather than allowing abortion.)

—

The decision to take hormones/get surgeries, is made by and with parents and informed doctors. It is not a simple, fast, or easy process, but people out here acting like the timeline is like this:

Day One: Whoa, am I maybe a girl? 
Day Two: Buys pills from the corner WhoreMoan gumball dispenser for two bucks.
Day Three: Check out my sweet, utterly irreversible triple G mommy milkers! Y E S. 
Day Four: I’m not ackshually a girl : ( I have huge titties now?? I have no choice, but to sewerslide. : ((((

actual (realistic time line) 

Day One: Maybe I might be a…. no. That’s not… just ignore it.
Day Ninety: This is still bugging me.. Could I be a…. no. I’m probably just gay…
Day Two-Hundred: No, this is definitely still bugging me. Should I tell someone? Hmm. Not sure. What if they don’t take it well? Say I’m just doing it for attention?
Year Two: I think… this might be a thing? Should I go see a professional or tell my parents?
Parents: Yoo, you’re just online too much and got some crazy ideas. (*dives back in the closet*)
Year Three: *finally at the doctor* Doctor, I’m thinking I’m trans and I’m really uncomfortable and this has been going on for a while and could we look into hormone therapy?
Doctor: Idk man, let’s just wait twenty more years, just to make sure you don’t REGRET anything. “))))))

Lots of hyperbole thrown in to be funny, but it’s no hyperbole that going from ”i may to trans’ to ‘getting hormones/surgery’ is a step that takes most people YEARS. These changes are not happening (neither internal nor external) over the course of weeks or months. Girl picks up a hammer once; everyone convinces her she’s a boy and her boobs get chopped off in the next half year, is a ridiculous scare-monger situation that is NOT happening.

Also also also? How much you want to bet so many of these ”teens aren’t mature enough to make decisions about their bodies :(“ mothereff’s would have NO PROBLEM forcing a pregnant sixteen-year-old girl to have a baby (an irreversible effect on her body that forces her to take care of an ENTIRE ASS OTHER HUMAN), and top it with a self-righteous: ‘Sixteen is old enough to know the consequences of your actions. If she didn’t want a baby, she knew well enough to not have sex. :(‘ Nah, a lot of these people give zero fucks for teens making long-term changes to their bodies, and their views on abortion make that abundantly clear. (see also here, sports injuries).

Trans ppl consult with doctors. We know the risk and it’s ours to take.

‘body mutilation : (‘ 

Translation when I hear this argument: Basically the same as above, with a pinch of, I’m actually okay with ”body/genital mutilation” and even performing it on non-consenting children, so long as *I* deem it normal.

—

I know criticism of circumcision makes people uncomfortable regards antisemitic implications, and I am not here to comment on that tradition one way or the other. I don’t have to, because the vast portion of US circumcisions performed are secular, and many of these people clutching pearls about teen and adult ”genital mutilation” have presumably no qualm about slicing off the tip of an infant’s penis (and/or performing non-consensual surgery on infants deemed to have ambiguous genitalia.) But they have problems with adults making informed changes about their bodies. Hmm…

Trump rages on and on in his video about ”child sexual mutilation” (done on trans people)–this is not a thing. Surgery is not being performed on children. Surgery is rarely even performed on teens who have been living as the target gender for a long, long time. It’s just not being done. One, very expensive. Two, see doctors making you wait forever for everything. This is another fabricated nonsense worry.

‘Transgenderism is a cult. : (‘ 

Translation when I hear this argument: I myself force my beliefs onto my children, so obviously, trans people must be forcing their beliefs onto people. I do not know any other system than forcing people to do and act as I personally see fit.

—

First? ‘Transgenderism,’ is that like, the President of Antifa?

Being trans is not a belief system. There is nothing to ‘believe’ or not believe in.

My kid has asked me in the past, so will I be trans, because I’m your kid and you’re trans? And I told him, who he is (in that respect) has nothing to do with who I am.

So many people are so used to pushing and bullying their own kids into accepting whatever they’ve deemed fit to project onto them, they can’t even fathom allowing someone to come to a conclusion of their own volition, based on a range of info. 

Over the years, I’ve had numerous people come to me and ask about trans issues. I always say the same thing: I can tell you what I’ve done and how I feel, but that only applies to me. You have a different body, different goal, different support network, different way of looking at the world. I’m not out here treating coming out as trans as a silver bullet. I’m not proselytizing, I’m not making a war on gender, and if you are happy being the biggest barbie girl stereotypical cis lady (or whoever), I am happy for you and wish you well.

I tell my kid and anyone else, live the way that feels right to you (so long as it harms nobody). Whatever that is. When you are living at peace with yourself, you can help others. When you are bitter and envious of others being free, it is very difficult to help anyone. 

‘Be a transblender if you want to. But when you force me to use your name, you compel my speech. : (‘ 

Translation: I don’t realize that most superficial social interactions between humans are based on a mutual agreement to be respectful. It’s not fair that I can’t be a playground bully around trans people :<

—

This argument I’ve been seeing more lately and it is the unholy poop baby of freedom of speech brain rot. Like holy shit, I’m sorry this is your first day on Planet Earth? ;-; But yes, we absolutely have many instances in society where we are ”compelled” to speak a certain way and if that triggers you, go live in a cave? Idk???

The Wokes did not bring us compelled speech. It’s called seeing people you interact with as a person, and behaving with a baseline of respect. Allow me to demonstrate..

Normal Interaction:

Guy: Hi, my name is Joseph. Please call me Joe.
Me: Hi, Joe.

‘Compelled speech’:

guy: Hi, my name is Joseph. Please call me Joe. 
Me: Okay, but uhh… your legal name is Joseph? Right?
Guy: It is, but I go by Joe.
Me: But I want to call you Joseph, I will call you Joseph, and if you make this weird and try to force me to use ”Joe” instead of your legal name, you are COMPELLING MY SPEECH.

….. like, why would you WANT to call someone a name they don’t want you to call them? What nine-year-old playground pissing contest is that??

‘Well I don’t want to use your name because I don’t believe in your -gender ideology- : (‘

Uhhh okay? I don’t believe in a LOT of stuff others believe in, but I’m still going to call you what you want and act normal in a social situation?  Grow up loser, we’re having a superficial interaction, I don’t give a hot screw for what you ‘believe’ nor do you have to believe what I believe? Like, conservatives are so soft skinned, they must OUTLAW people with views they don’t believe in?

Baby, I’ve been interacting with complete idiots harboring microwaved hot diarrhea takes my E N T I R E L I F E, and not once have I thought of running to Daddy Dom Government to make them go away. You weak ass little baguettes!!!!!

The same people who complain that gun control leads to a mammy state, when they see a trans person:
HEY DADDY GOVERNMENT!!! This PERSON is doing a thing I don’t LIKE it’s ICKY make them STOP!!!!!!!!

Somewhere I’m sure someone’s written the essay on fascism being the Ultimate Daddy Complex, so I won’t be riffing on that today. I’ll only say: I know conservatives get their panties in a knot when they are compared to fascists, but the way many of them absolutely run to a big strong authoritarian Daddy Figure to make the ookey person they don’t like disappear stanks of the most shutterstock daddy-complex fascist. I’m sorry it’s true. 😦

‘Instead of letting trans people change their bodies, we should be teaching them to accept themselves as they are, and practice self-love. : (”

Translation: I am condescending and should get to tell you what is best for you to ”love yourself..”

For some people, changing their body IS self-love. For some people, changing NOTHING is this love. And everything in between. That’s the neat thing about freedom! You get to decide what’s right for YOU; what’s right for your OWN body, and if you don’t want to do something to yourself, you don’t do it! How cool!!

I think some people are doing this for attention. : (

Translation: I don’t know that humans are social animals and effectively do EVERYTHING for ”attention.” I said this ’cause it sounded good.

—

Humans do a lot of dumb shit for attention. What is this argument? People get married for attention; people attract or break up with partners for attention. Have children for ”attention.” People have always and will always continue to do things for attention, and sometimes, that urge is genuine and coming from a good place, and sometimes, that urge is false. Let them? If they are genuine, they will continue; if they are false, they will get bored of it and stop.

‘I just don’t want you to do something you regret. : (‘ 

People can still say this with a straight face while straight marriage hasn’t been banned yet?!? Straight families wrote the endboss playbook on crafting regret that endures for GENERATIONS, so. Go raise the kids you wish you hadn’t made, and leave trans people alone, stinky. 

I don’t think I can top that line, so. I will pinch this off. Trans friends in the US, times are very dark right now, but I do firmly believe that change always wins. I’m wishing everyone I know there safety, access to healthcare and access to what you need. Keep fighting the good fight and stay strong. The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion. -Camus

If you want to read about these issues by an erudite and thoughtful writer, please check out Tucker Lieberman’s post on Medium (this post has been knocking in my head for a while, but his post inspired me to finally write it. Thanks for always being an inspiration <3) You can also see the Trump video in his article (it is lower down, as it has already been taken down from the original posted site, but was cached somewhere on an archive. In his article, Tucker picks apart and debunks the talking points of Trump’s… insanely insane video.) A massively recommended read (and his Medium blog is a great resource to subscribe to for ideas–trans, and beyond. <3).

If you want to support a trans woman doing the daunting and terribly draining work of compiling the most recent American trans news into regular posts, I highly recommend Erin in the Morning. You can subscribe and/or support her important timely work with a donation. (Her newsletter is where I first became aware of the Clark Tucker speech.)

That’s all for this one; peace out, moofs.

[‘short annoying men,’ from @BryanOnion on Twitter. I mean, #notall, but enough to be apt :>)

Putting Your Head in the Sand

// Landscape gore– a little gouache study I made of the road into Soltvadkert //

If you drive southeast from Budapest, over the transdanubian plains and snake through the dusty little villages, you’ll probably notice a lot of stork nests on the tops of electrical poles… and water towers. Each town and village tends to have their own water tower somewhere along the side of the road, usually looking like a metal golf ball impaled on a pencil, stuck into the ground defiantly by a giant child.

An exception is when you get to Soltvadkert (Solt game park), a village with the well-known Soltvadkert lake resort (aka the Old Lake, aka once upon the time, the Stinky Lake, for its thermal properties. A name that got changed to the Old Lake as tourism increased). This village doesn’t have the characteristic golf ball, but a UFO hovering tastefully to the side of the village. Close to the lake. I am unironically not a little obsessed with this tower and have made my mom stop the car on many occasion, to take a picture of it in this or that light. This or that angle. And have now drawn and painted it several times.

This village featured in many of my mom’s favorite childhood stories, but I personally had never seen it until I was well past an adult age. We go now every summer–this last summer, I remember us standing in the little fruit vendor’s store. “Yeh,” he scratched his overbrowned neck. That neckmeat was browner than a brisket. “The heat has been brutal. The watermelons burned off the vines. There’s no peaches. We don’t know what will happen with the grapes this year…” His bins and baskets on the walls were mostly empty.

Later that summer was one of the few times I got mad enough at my mom to leave her at a cafe. We had gone and ordered, and talk drifted all over: about a cousin of ours, who was deeply depressed; about the immigration panic a few years back–now replaced, in my mom’s eyes, with the climate panic. This cousin had shared a graphic showing the dryness in the center of the country, how it was killing the crops. ‘Hysteria,” my mom said. “Plain and simple. Heat has always fluctuated.” You know I love my mother, but though it was a few months ago, I still remember how pissed I got, though I didn’t want to. I’m always the one ”getting on my soapbox” and it’s just fucking tiring. But I climbed on it again. Really, I asked her. You think concern about a planet experiencing massive flooding and hurricanes and unprecedented heat waves is as silly and hysterical as white Euro xenophobia? Well, my mom countered, she wouldn’t be so depressed (the cousin) if she wasn’t sharing these silly graphics all the time. Maybe, I asked, she’s depressed because she has to live in a world where rational people want you to ignore what’s right there, and she has small kids, as I have a small(ish) kid, who will have to live with this shit, while people who will be dead soonish don’t give a fuck, and that is fucking depressing. We fought about it and I got up and left.

But what else can one do? I draw a picture of the earth around the UFO water tower, seething and bleeding under the scorching sun, which is my own brand of sticking my head in the sand. The water tower sparkles and shines; as beautiful and indifferent as a god. When we all die, it will still be there. I think about this village and the lake, the place where my mom went, going there now with her and my kid–what will my kid have to go to in twenty years? What about the people whose homes are getting destroyed right now, in real time? What stories do they get to tell?

I thank the brave people here in Germany over in Luetzerath, who are fighting the good fight.

Holidayz

I was suppossseddd to post this last year and then I got the distractions, so I’ll just post it now. And pretend it’s not the new year yet (but it is. So HAPPY 2023, moofs!) My friend is staying here through mid January–this feels like a moment of peace. I’m finalizing a project I’ve been working absolute ages on, so more on that in another post. I also closed down my Patreon–the support is lovely, but my health isn’t and I need to tone everything down. I look back at what we’ve done through the press for the last year and I feel so proud, but it’s also incredibly draining. And always a frightening shadow feeling a couple steps behind. My mind is not well. So I will try to consolidate to this one blog and make life a little easier. This means more posts (and some of them will be press related.) Some will be mere rambling. Some, like this post, will be pure artmess. Enjoy the artmess and hope all you moofs had a lovely holidays. (New tablet, new sketches, new colors. How are we feeling about the new colors??)

I had an eye infection for two weeks. This is a self-portrait of my eye infection. Not me.

Love WILL tear us apart. Sketch o’ my friend.

boyz boyz boyz boys boyzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

tran couple at the beach. it’s overcast. (J and J <3) (I love how weirdly creepy this picture is. Like I just want to make this into a huge oil painting and have it in my room).

Me n G. we’ve had one million drinks!!

Next pic is NOT SAFE FOR WORK SCROLL PAST QUICKLY
GUTS (TENTACLES?? I DONT KNOW???)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+

i hope you don’t go to hell for looking at my dirty picchur and i hope I don’t go to hell for drawing it but it’s so pretty.

sketchy bird bones

this is an older pic, but I wanted it up here. Joy from that one movie about everything everyone everytime.

Are You Ready to Start a Relationship?

Talking about Most Famous Short Story of All Time by Tucker Lieberman

Some books are flings, some are an experience; but once in a while, you encounter a book where you have a True Relationship. It may have been the timing, the pieces of our puzzles that serendipitously overlapped, but if you sometimes come sit on the Couch, you may remember me absolutely losing my SHIT over Tucker Lieberman’s Ten Past Noon.

Happy? Proud? Amazed? Are not sufficient to describe what I’m feeling a good half a year later, as I am on the cusp of helping Lieberman release (what may be?) his magnum opus MOST FAMOUS SHORT FILM OF ALL TIME. Like NOON, SHORT FILM is also long and winding; many of its themes overlap. Like NOON, it continues on the trail of meta-writing, tipping points, obsession (my word, btw. not the author’s), social connections, American past present and future; ghosts, transsexual transcendence. In that sense, the two books seem to me perfect companions; SHORT FILM vibrates through a meta-reality, while NOON hums in a space of (creative) non-fiction.

But what I really love about SHORT FILM is its structure–chapterlettes that effortlessly lead you to the next one and the next. A narrative arc with strangely lovable and compellingly strange characters wielding the most salt-and-vinegar chips humor. Compulsively snackable AND blowing your mind with all the shit you’ve thought about but couldn’t quite articulate? It’s a rare combination. And one of the best parts? SHORT FILM recognizes the Importance of Being Earnest. There is so much wit and social observation, but no sneer. It’s a book that’s not afraid to be sincere and these days, I’m finding myself valuing THAT almost more than anything else.

Unfortunately, SHORT FILM is so long, this is the first book our press won’t be able to offer as a special edition (non-Amazon) print copy. : / At this time, I simply can’t find a printer that can print the book and not charge literally 100 EU three goats and a firstborn per copy. Amazon is nefarious and I hate it, but the good news is, SHORT FILM is also available for paperback pre-order on Bookshop! The layout (designed by Tucker, by the way), is just as !!! as everything else about this book. At any rate, here is an excerpt I really enjoy. It is especially topical, considering discussions regarding trans medical rights in the US right now. (And leading into the section ‘Transsexual Trauma Story’ are two mini chapters, so you can see the overall structure of the book.)

Excerpts: Stress Prevention, Of Course I’m OK, and Transsexual Trauma Story

excerpt-ttsDownload

Here is our running cover, which I am also very excited about! Front page cover art by Cel La Flaca.

More about SHORT FILM through Tucker’s own words, here on Medium.
You can support SHORT FILM by preordering a copy here (ebook or paperback).
You can support SHORT FILM for free by downloading and reviewing a gratis copy through BookSirens.

If you are a book reviewer/blogger interested in reviewing SHORT FILM, please contact me at rysz@traumbooks.com, to get put on an ARC list for a free physical copy ❤

For anyone else, I hope you’ll take the time to check out this book; I really can’t recommend it highly enough!

No Title

I’m talking about death in this post.

I have missed coming to this blog and this post is fairly overdue–it was just something I wasn’t quite sure how to put into words, and you know that when I can’t put something into words, then it is weighty. I’m also not quite sure what the protocol or etiquette is in such a situation. But saying nothing and leaving no mark seemed even worse. So I’ll just say that one of my very good online friends died earlier this summer….

I won’t say much about this person on here, but he was one of my first trans friends after I came out. We talked for many years and shared a lot. Besides a friend and Lil Peep fan, he was a talented traditional, digital, and tattoo artist. I believe his people have taken down his public pages, so I cannot link to his work, but I won’t forget it. He loved the colors black, white, and red. His art was generally duo-chrome, raw and scratchy–he drew wolves, and scars, and buildings.

I drew this person many times over the years. He liked to be drawn and it would cheer him up–if you’ve seen my gore booklet that I made a few years back, that is him on the cover–and he is also the first model, ‘Laceration.’. Besides a talented artist, he was also a great photographer and took excellent pictures of himself and his surroundings. So here are my last pictures of him.

The last picture is a still-shot from my animation ‘Lonely Star.’ The physical aesthetic of a tall skinny loner who is always smoking, always wandering in the elements looking for someone or something was also partially inspired by my friend. You know moofs that I am an enormous Weeknd fan, but the song pick ‘Lonely Star’ is also a nod to the name he used to call me: his Star Brother. Unfortunately, while he saw still shots of the animation, he was gone before I could show him the whole thing. We had fallen out of touch this last year as he got deeper into his problems and it was a complete coincidence that I went back to the animation that I had abandoned two years before…

I am not a religious person, but I hope that wherever he is now, he is in a better place. I know that he suffered much, tried hard, and that he tried to bring his own brand of beauty into this world–which he did. I will not forget him; not his art, not his face, not the talks we had. Dear R, you deserved more.

Rest in peace, star brother < / 3

Fleurs du Mal

aka the bad flowers

fleurs du mal — man gives birth in the rose garden

This is a drawing I made a very long time ago. I have a complicated relationship with pregnancy, as I suspect most people have–either because they can get pregnant or because they cannot; because they have been expected to be pregnant or to make someone pregnant at some point in their life. Whatever our life is and at what point we are on it and with who, in the background, this topic seems to be always simmering, visceral; on so many lips again now that Roe vs. Wade has been overturned. This paragraph from pastor David Barnhart will always summarize to me so brilliantly the hypocrisy of the anti-choice movement:

“The unborn” are a convenient group of people to advocate for. They never make demands of you; they are morally uncomplicated, unlike the incarcerated, addicted, or the chronically poor; they don’t resent your condescension or complain that you are not politically correct; unlike widows, they don’t ask you to question patriarchy; unlike orphans, they don’t need money, education, or childcare; unlike aliens, they don’t bring all that racial, cultural, and religious baggage that you dislike; they allow you to feel good about yourself without any work at creating or maintaining relationships; and when they are born, you can forget about them, because they cease to be unborn. You can love the unborn and advocate for them without substantially challenging your own wealth, power, or privilege, without re-imagining social structures, apologizing, or making reparations to anyone. They are, in short, the perfect people to love if you want to claim you love Jesus, but actually dislike people who breathe. Prisoners? Immigrants? The sick? The poor? Widows? Orphans? All the groups that are specifically mentioned in the Bible? They all get thrown under the bus for the unborn.”

‘And when they are born, you can cease to forget about them.’ Why does it feel like so often, those who fight so passionately for the unborn child are the same who don’t believe in universal healthcare, improved education, social services; who think poverty is a fitting ‘punishment,’ and are happy to sacrifice entire lives of not just adults but these unborn (now born) children to play out their morality fantasies? I won’t foam and rage here against all the possible reasons for why Roe was overturned now; if this is a pushback to execute more control over ‘liberalism gone wild,’ or a more insidious need to ensure that the serfs never stop serfing.

But I will never not believe that until the fetus is not able to survive outside the womb, the person carrying it should be allowed to abort the fetus on the simple grounds of ‘I do not want to be pregnant anymore.’ WHATEVER THAT REASON MAY BE. And that the rights or needs of an unborn child–the LIFE of an unborn child–will NEVER be as important or as valuable as the rights, needs, and life of an already-born person, with a will, a memory, and a consciousness. Nor should it be.

ALUCARD

One thing I like to do is to go into SAI and then open a document. A4 size. Fill the space with drawing. And then, just keep expanding the canvas (usually, from right to left) and expanding it and adding and adding more like a beaver building a visual dam, until my computer is panting and sweating and the drive starts snarfling like a throttled walrus—when we’ve crashed at least once, I know I have reached full saturation and the drawing can’t be expanded anymore.

Fan art for DARKNESSES — This is how far we got until my computer was sputtering like Mr. Mahony and could not anymore.

Are we liking the slightly ridged paper effect??

So DARKNESSES is a book I am proof-reading right now, and it’s just FULL of the things I like to draw and thus really challenging for my concentration:

-vampires (people with pointy teeth in general)
-Christian symbolism
-blood
-scars
-vampire lesbians in love?????
-BAT JEWELRY????
-People wearing tracksuits!? (the eastern eu in me sings).

DARKNESSES is a fast moving story that reads like a graphic novel: Full of twists, turns; a well-crafted plot, goood dialogue, characters I love–and opening up topics on the occult, mental illness, literary representation, social pressure, heartbreak, the financial anxiety that could press someone into a freaky Christian cult, what it is to love and be loved. And tons of delicious, carefully researched VAMPIRE (LITERARY) LORE!!

Lachelle is a writer, artist, student, musician, book-shop worker (and overall really sweet person!)
You can find her here: https://lachelle.xyz/
And her book on Goodreads here.

Bigger, Sadder, Uncut

I was having a conversation with a good friend the other day, the gist of which was, it’s not always easy to talk about stuff online when there is always something bigger, sadder, more awful happening in the background. Any personal news you have to add to the cacophony seems either not sad enough or too buoyant. Like, wow, thousands of people are displaced at the Polish and Hungarian borders, seeking shelter…. People are still suffering the effects of COVID all over the world. Jason Derulo got slapped down the stairs of yet another awards ceremony…. here’s a picture I drew???

I haven’t been posting much, out of this sheer feeling of bruhhh have some SELF-AWARENESS, there is REAL SHIT happening right now. There are people smarter and better worded than you already commenting on said shit. So just shut up and move about. But then I think, maybe someone would like a not-so-serious update?

winter is almost over sketch

So despite all that is bad happening, and my own health not being the best (I seem to have some kind of… I’m not going to call it long COVID, but I did have COVID and now I’ve been on/off sick and having nosebleeds for the last month.) so anyway, despite all that, I’m… really happy with how life is going right now. A year and a half ago, I was so uncertain with my path, but I decided to stop what I was doing then to really focus on making books. This past year, I’ve designed multiple books (some, my own projects, some, for authors featured in our press) and I continued to have doubts. But I’ve met so many wonderful people, I’m in a writing discord now (!!!) and I’m really happy to announce that I actually got my first official book-design job, with a publishing house called Woodhall Press. We are wrapping up the project as I speak and I’m just like wait, I… me… meeeeee?

We are also THIS CLOSE to wrapping up our newest child over at tRaum Books and putting a kiss on his forehead and sending him off to school. This is Bryan Cebulski’s IT HELPS WITH THE BLUES, an introspective, lo-fi queer novella repping my favorite genre, BILDUNGSROMAN AKA People walk around, get into trouble, and learn shit about themselves AKA Nothing really happens, except you know, LOVE, LIFE, and DEATH. And Bryan has an eloquent way of capturing the voices of his characters and evoking a specific time and feel that really tugged at me when I first read his book, so I am so honored and pleased to be able to release this together with him! It is also in our signature pocket book format, so a perfect addition if you already have one of our other small books. I will be sending out all special edition copies on our official release date of April 11th (and making those packages nice!!), so if you want to jump on that train, you still have until then to grab a copy!

Our ITCH IO site still looks like balls, because I’ve been too harried to make it nice, but I will try to make it nice soon!!! Bryan’s book is also available on Gumroad, or on Amazon (and Amazon’s cream paper has upped their game, their POD book actually looks kind of.. pretty?) Cause yeah, this special edition books are not cheap ;////

To the …two people out there who are interested in MY writing, you are angels with good hearts and I swear I will also be coming out with one of my little books soon. I’ve just been in this state of, c’mon moof. Your writing is stooopid, let other people have a turn.

Take care and hope you are all safe out there ❤

Poison, By Alice Cooper

I wanna love you but I better not touch (don’t touch)
I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop

So I got interviewed?

https://shepherd.com/best-books/queer-poisonous-relationships-with-angst

Ok, interviewed is way too much. I got approached by an up-and-coming book site called Sheperd.com and asked to make an entry for their site. And I checked it out and their concept looked really interesting, so I participated! Basically, the site promotes a bunch of different books, and they will ask an author of a book they chose to feature to pick five other books to recommend. The works they pick should reflect the theme or feel of their own book, in some way.

What they approached me for was ‘a + e 4ever’ and it took me a while to think of a topic. (By the way, they asked that it not be something super broad). So I wondered if ‘best gay graphic novels’ would be considered too broad, but actually, I don’t even read THAT many graphic novels and I wouldn’t call myself an expert. (And I love say Fun Home and Nimona, but I would not say that someone who enjoyed those queer GNs would necessarily enjoy something I had written.)

So what kind of book am I lowkey an expert on? Why did I even make a/e? And as bad as it’s sounds— well, I suppose what I know a lot about is a certain kind of toxicity. I have a broken glass trail of relationships behind me, because for a long time, my confusion regarding myself made me confused regarding other people–and unclear as to what they wanted from me, and what I could give to them.

I think I’ve gotten better? (nervous laughter). But that confusion (and how it affects people) was a lot of what that particular book of mine vivisected, and if you are interested in that too, you might get a kick out of reading my little pitch over on Sheperd. ❤ (And/or just spend some time clicking around on the site–I actually really enjoyed checking out some of the authors’ articles and seeing the specific interests people had~!)

You can read my entry here: https://shepherd.com/best-books/queer-poisonous-relationships-with-angst

Also, some interesting news coming up with the press (new authors!!) so I’m excited about that. Hope you’re all having… a wonderful February. ❤