3:48 am

It has occurred to me, now and again, that I should Make Something Anew. I say ‘make’ and not ‘write’, because I am thinking more in the direction of a graphic novel (though really anything larger or novel-length would be fine as well.)

The problem with that though is that I look back on things I have done and it just fills me with regret. Some pride too, of course, that I have managed to make something that other people perhaps enjoyed or could relate to, or made them think in an uncomfortable new direction (preferably all three?) so yes, most definitely some pride, but when I think back on both books I’ve published (because there are MORE that are unpublished)–and how clean and good my intentions were, and yet how horribly flawed and fundamentally fucked up the final products were–it honestly makes me never want to write again.

Art is so much easier in that respect. Not because my suck in art doesn’t ruffle my feathers (it does) but because a picture is–a sentence. Maybe, a paragraph. You draw it, you paint it. It’s flawed. You know where. You mourn. You are already on the next picture and it’s not–a year. Or five years, spent diligently turning something over in your mind, putting it out, turning THAT over again and again as well, having it published and then thinking damn–how the fuck did I miss that? And THAT? AND THAT?

A piece of art’s flaws are easier to forgive and move on from–the flaws even ADD to the picture, the irregularity is interesting, but the flaws of writing, they are not interesting. They are tiresome and sad, even more so when you created them yourself. You REGRET and that is something I am so, so, so sooo not used to doing. Regretting.

There is so much in my books I wish I could go back and change and FIX and the thought that I could spend so much time making another thing I will spend more time regretting is like ehhhhhhhhhhh.


A Necessary Luxury

For this post, I want to specifically thank Paintblotch, who has been such an inspiration and help to me. Follow her if you’re not already! Her art and her attitude, is amazing. 

I’m not dead! I’m still around!
I’m still drawing! I’m still making stuff!

And lately I’ve been thinking that too many people think of art as an UNNECESSARY luxury.

(OK, this video is so cool, you HAVE TO CLICK AND WATCH, I promise you won’t be sorry~~~~~~)

This idea is reflected in the  ease at which art programs and funding are axed–To be sure, beauty and art is luxurious, but I would argue it is a necessary luxury that all people need and deserve.

Art is all around us, it is not just in museums, it is on juice boxes, it is in designs, it is on clothes, it is on museum and alley walls.

I thought about this idea a lot while finishing my latest commission. To be sure, this commission is a luxury piece and I was extremely grateful to have the chance to do it–I realize I am so lucky to be able to continue to have the time to make art and to have lovely people commission art from me.  Still I couldn’t help but think, self-expression and beauty is something most people crave. It is not just a past-time, an indulgence, it is a necessity.

So the theme of this piece was the necessity of beauty –I call the piece ‘Ran’ from the Japanese character 乱 (A character that means ‘rebellion’ and combines with ‘kon’ to make the word ‘disorder.’) Unfortunately, taking a picture of BOTH pieces together side by side is virtually impossible due to the size, but the images fit together and are supposed to be a mirror onto two worlds….


Red Shelf – Day (red and black and bird theme)


Blue shelf – Night. (Pink and blue and fish theme.)

But the absolute best part of the piece was the finish. I agonized on what kind of finish to put on the piece–the person who commissioned it told me they wanted to use the shelves. I figured, a simple fixing spray wouldn’t be enough. If objects were put on the shelves, they might eventually damage or discolor the image. But I had used mostly ink on the wood–I imagined any kind of liquid finish would cause the ink to smear.

I consulted good old Paintblotch and she told me, why not try resin? It will make a smooth, hard surface, like glass. I had never heard of or worked with resin, but she recommended a specific brand Art Resin to me and to quote my kid, Jesus Christ and for the love of Cinema! This stuff is absolutely amazing!! Imagine having spent a good month painting something, and then mixing up a goooood steamy vat of gloopy clear hair gel looking stuff. You’re just dying to pour it all over your painting, right? I shat a thousand bricks as I poured it over the finished shelves (I had lightly sprayed them the day before with a finishing spray) and was so relieved to see the resin did not smear the image one bit, I might have even cried a little bit.

Go here to buy the magical resin!! It is very straightforward to use, but feel free to message me if you have a question ❤


aka Schrodinger’s Pussy

I know you guys are busy right now, hell, if you’re living in the US, you’re probably busy punching neo-nazis right now, you’re busy putting out fires right now, but you have to put your fists and hoses down for one second and read ‘Shrill’ by Lindy West. I read it this last week while I was at my parents’, and it gave me that feeling, you know that feeling, when you wanna contact and be like ‘listen, I know you’re famous and probably hear this ALL THE TIME and god knows there are a lot of weirdos and sickies out there but I’m harmless and totally not obsessive, and you and I should hang out some time, or at least become IG pals and like each other selfies and leave each other cute comments, and slay twit trolls together, because you are just so awesome and magical and ON.

And I will not go into all the stuff West covers in her book (it’s a loose collection of candid, funny, casual and sometimes so painful thoughts on feminism, body issues, fatphobia, internet trolling, family, loss) but she covers extensively a topic that has fascinated me for so so so so long (namely, why is comedy, much like patriotism, the last refugee of the scoundrel? why is ‘comedy’ one of the last frontiers where individuals are allowed to so casually borrow OTHERS’ pain for a cheap laugh.  Running very parallel to this issue is the concept of the Schroedinger’s Asshole, ie, the person who makes an offensive statement and then based on the reaction of their audience, flees into the ‘lighten up, it was just a JOKE.’) So yeah, she covers the Schroedinger’s Asshole phenomenon (stand-up comedy edition) quite extensively in her book and manages to weave in with it the threads of an equally devastating phenomenon I will now dub: Schroedinger’s Pussy.

Schroedinger’s Asshole was a noun (the one who does it is the asshole) Schroedinger’s Pussy encompasses more the entire thought process that goes something like this: In today’s day and age, especially, most especially, on the internet, where we are all afforded some anonymity–some men’s ability to take the ideas that come out of another party’s brain and attach value to them, so that they may counter and rebut these IDEAS (and not irrelevant secondary details of the other party, such as appearance, weight, promiscuity or proclivity to take a dick)–is inversely proportional to how much this person they are arguing with seems to have a vagina.

If the person does NOT appear to have a vagina, these men seem to have no problem engaging with the person’s ideas. w e i r d

If the person DOES appear to have a vagina, these men stray very quickly from engaging with what is coming out of the person’s brain— to talking about what they would like to do, or what they believe should be done, with this person body–or NOT be done with this person’s body. They will start to expound on how this person should be raped–or how they would never be raped, because they are too ugly. It’s almost as if—-some—–men—-don’t respect women (and femme peoples) like ‘i hope you die and get raped lol’ level don’t respect women, and if you spend a day on the internet these days, you will see it most anywhere.

And the saddest, the absolute absolute saddest is not just that there are an untold amount of adult and teenage men out there who think telling an anonymous woman online that she should be raped, is a reasonable or justifiable thing to do. The saddest is, that even more men, who conceivably (hopefully?) are below such cowardly interaction, are too cowardly to tell their fellow men that acting like this is disgraceful. Like, they’re too coward to tell their fellow men to stop being fucking cowards.And they think this is being tough, unlike those emasculated cucks who know how to respect women.

Cause you know, respecting women is for PUSSIES.

It is mind-boggling.

They have two choices–tell other guys to knock it the fuck off, b/c it is sick and pathetic–

Or to tell women to ‘suck it up’ ‘leave the internet if you can’t handle it.’

And they will pick the latter. Every. Every. Time. Or be silent on the issue.

Like a turd in the grass. (Hungarian saying)

To give a tiny backstory, West, who was part of the Seattle comedy scene in the middish 2010s, was asked to participate in a televised debate after the whole Daniel Tosh shitplosion happened. She was arguing against comedian Jim Norton–and her argument simply was that comedy, like everything else that comes out of our mouths, does not exist in a vacuum and should not be beyond reproach. There is a more than casual connection, she argued, between the ‘boys club’ feel of the comedy circuit and the increasingly violent sexism and sexual assault women face today, on and offline (around this time is also when Steubenville happened). Norton countered that she was wrong: that comedy was a valve for releasing tension and tackling rough topics, that no ‘reasonable’ person who heard a Daniel Tosh rape riff, however crude, condoned rape. Even as a rapey dove flies from his charming lips, Tosh respects women! Norton insisted. His audience, respects women! And none of them would ever, ever, ever. And ever after that, wish actual rape on an actual woman. Because we’re all sane adults who know rape is WRONG.

[Can I take a moment here to say, watching this video made me so fucking sad. I mean, I’m a pretty tough dude with no feels anymore, you know me, but I almost teared up. I thought this. Motherfucking THIS. Is the fight. Squeezed in a 16+ minute clip. You had West and she was just so ON. Her ideas were poprocking. She was magic. She was energy. She was wit. And Norton was this dull lump of clay. Ad hominem? yeh, I’m petty and going for it. He looked like a gray lil lump of clay stuffed into a tired polo shirt and his ideas were gray little lumps of clay. they were so TIRED. they were so. CLICHE. And you read the comments on the video, of all these bros actually thinking he had nailed it. That’s how tired their minds were too.]

So the video clip of the TV segment was put online, it went somewhat viral, and at some point had garnered thousands of comments. Norton argued that comedy, and male comedians’ casual mockery of  domestic violence and rape ala Tosh had NO place in real life and yet in the comments’ section, men…. in the hundreds that passed to thousands… were coming out the woodwork.

Not to unpack flaws in West’s logic–but to talk about what they felt needed to be done with her body.

She should be raped.
She should be killed.
She should be raped and killed.
She should be killed and raped.
She was too fat to rape.
She was too rape to fat.
Rape rape rape. Kill kill kill. Fat fat fat.

This…. woman. They talked of raping and killing a woman they did not know and had never met, for daring to speak about how comedy that makes light of women being raped and killed—might actually be contributing to men thinking it’s okay to openly talk about women getting raped and killed.

This was some heady Twilight Zone SHIT. Then the bass dropped.

You would think this was all the proof West or ANYBODY for the rest of all humanity ever, needed to prove the Schroedinger’s Pussy theory. ‘We need to refute these ideas with word… wait a minute, boys! The vessel that released these ideas seems to be of the woman varietal! No intelligent rebuttal needed —to quote Norton– ‘TO RAPE!’

West has more critical thinking capacity in her goddam pinkie TOE then these dudes had COLLECTIVELY. I mean, even the debate. Norton was a JOKE (hah) prob funnier than his actual stand-up.

I think he thought that was a city in Southern France.
Subtlety. Context?
Those are hipster cocktail names, or??

She was a butterfly DANCING around his stonefooted, shitty ideas and now, a slew of orcs too intellectually brutish to know they were proving her point, poured in to PROVE HER POINT. She won that fucking debate TWICE, and all they could do was rail and rail and rail b/c they had reason to believe this house of flesh and stone that had released these ideas about comedy harbored a pussy and seemed to align with a feminine being.

1:     You can attack her OPINION, I mean fuck, I don’t agree with her opinion. But like, because we debated rape jokes, they were like…
2.     [expectant pause]
1.     …she should get raped…and…
2:     [groan]
1:      And, I don’t tell people how to write or how to tweet, i don’t like to do that, i hate that thought-policing shit…
2:      …Hate it.
1:      But come on, at least just go after her opinion. Cause you’re not helping anything by doing that. She’s not DUMB… […]

This is an excerpt from an audio clip from the Opie and Anthony show that talked about the aftermath of the West/Norton debate. And I listened to this, and I got sad all over again. Forget even how ….incredible it is that they saw no link between these hateful dismissive comments, West being a woman who dared to voice an opinion, and her point entirely.

These guys had an audience of I assume, a sizable body of male listeners. And they talked about the clip and they seemed genuinely PERPLEXED as to why so many men reacted to West the way that they did. But they could not criticize these men nor call them on their cowardice. No, that would be ‘thought-police shit.’ And I do realize this clip is some years old, but being active online myself, I would say it’s stayed just as bad. Yes, world.

The apex of our social civilization where grown men actively SUPPORT other grown men’s validity to anonymously tell a woman online exactly how she should be raped, instead of focusing on her ideas.

Because a man telling his fellow men that the anonymous graphic harassment is the wildlife refuge of pathetic, cowardly fucks–the very pinnacle of loserdom– is ‘PC bs.’

Common human decency and respect has become ‘PC bs.’

But yeah, don’t punch alt-nazis, because violence is bad uwu and we should calmly listen to ppl’s views no matter how despicable ;—-;

These people will legit defend a CERTIFIED NEO NAZI before they defend a woman getting harassed with rape threats on the internet.

I’m out.

And to Lindy West, wherever she is today, may her coffee be hot, may her writing come easy, may the trolls be torpid, and I hope she is having an awesome day  ♡ ♡ ♡

Note: Aaaaand just as I was looking up West’s twitter URL to attach it to my post, I find this article explaining why it’s–gone. ;—; 

Buy her book here.

Watch the West – Norton debate here.


Is not the answer. There has to be a way to separate the naïvely ignorant from the malicious. To give people a chance to change. Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater and all that.

Nobody is perfect. To demand perfection and publically shame, then excommunicate anyone who doesn’t adhere to a rigid socialmoral code smacks of a scary, cold religious order. There must be a better way. (The idealist in me wants to believe that.)

A person with a swastika tattooed on their forehead.  A vocal terf. A person who posts blatant racist propaganda on public platforms under their own name. If I came into contact with such a person  irl or online, I walk the other way. I can say nothing that will change their mind or bring them around, and to engage would only waste my time and energy. Interacting would be a form of emotional self-harm. After all, you know what the outcome of the conversation will be. Nothing positive.

Open white supremacists, neo-Nazis, some members of the alt-right—anyone who revels in trolling—people argue which of them are ‘really’ dangerous versus which are only out to play.  Do they truly wish you were dead? Do they just want to joke about it?

Turn your head, push the block button. Done.  Disturbing to know they are out there, but what more can you do? At least you know exactly where they stand and that makes them all the easier to stay clear of. .

These persons don’t take time or energy—but a certain brand of ignorant person DOES.

I’m not a bigot, I swear!!

‘Don’t just write people off! If you truly care, you need to educate! Don’t just tell people to use Google!…’ ::makes a pistol motion with forefingers:: ::puts it to own head::

The willfully ignorant person LOOKS EXACTLY like the naïve, ignorant person. However, the more you talk to the willfully ignorant, the more you realize— If it was socially acceptable to be bigoted, they would do so. They only care about not appearing like a bad person. They believe shouting ‘I am not bigoted! I am not racist! I am not sexist! I am not—-‘

Not actively examining their own thought patterns, actively listening, or causing actual change in themselves, let alone in society at large.

They want to maintain their harmful beliefs WHILE suffering no judgement from any group in society.

Essentially, not only are such people bigots—they are also cowards.

On the off-chance that someone is sincere, that their ignorance is based truly, only in ignorance, and not in any stickier stuff, I want to help and offer my time and resources to any and all. But it gets tiresome to deal with those who want social change packed up in a palatable confection that is tasty to consume and easy to digest.

We think of change in terms of protests, petitions, lobbying, and become overwhelmed when in reality, all of us have the power to make a difference every day, in the handful of people we come in contact with, and what is society but millions of these individual minds?

I talk to someone to exchange ideas, to gain from them, to hear what they have seen and to try to expand beyond the narrow confines of my own bubble. If I can enrich someone or share something they haven’t experienced, great, and I will do so even if it takes considerable emotional investment, but if someone’s main objective is to make sure that I (an individual of no consequence) knows that they are NOT A bigot (‘so please, allow me to continue to make awful jokes, observations, assumptions, and racist remarks, now that we have cleared I am most certainly NOT A bigot’)—then what choice do I have but to say—


Nobody asks for perfection or for total understanding of all issues from all sides.

But here’s where the dog is buried (as we say in Hungarian.)

I can show someone facts and figures, I can lead them to certain books from certain voices, I can debunk and unpack bogus arguments, but I cannot teach someone to be compassionate.

Excommunication is not the answer, and I will not toss away anyone based on their ignorance. I am also ignorant on many things.

What can I do though with someone who revels in their lack of compassion?



Write What You Know. No. Really.

Sometimes, those old writing adages really are the best:

I see an increased number of online authors (or creators)
distressed by the lack of appreciation for their unsolicited opinions.

‘We can’t talk about anything anymore!’

One piece riffing on this went as far as to suggest that our current era today
was the absolute worst for liberal white women writers.
Nobody wanted to hear what they have to say anymore.
The right sure as fuck doesn’t want to hear it.
But neither does the left.

I couldn’t help but think to myself as I read on: Wait,
nobody wants to hear you writing…about… what? Exactly?

White liberal womens’ interests and opinions on WHITE LIBERAL WOMENS’ ISSUES?

Or–white liberals using other groups’ experiences as intellectual play-structures to climb around on?

Because if it’s the latter, yeh, the world is getting pretty fucking sick of it.
You’re not imagining the resentment. Feel free to stop.

Those Exploratory Think Pieces

About two weeks ago, the esteemed Antioch Review published an essay called ‘The Sacred
Androgen.’ A self-styled ‘transgender debate,’ the article was an amalgamation of some of the worst trans tropes and fears,
masquerading its stinky self behind a floral, academic visage.

Honestly, the article read like the thesaurus-fueled tirade of someone JUST abandoned by a trans person at the altar. Except to be jilted by a trans person, one would have to actually spend some time in such a person’s company, and certain wordings in the article lead me to believe the author had never spoken to a real-life ‘transgendered’ in his entire life.
In this piece, ‘TGs’ served as stereotypes and headcases–they were Concepts, Interpretations, Misconceptions and Breathing Delusions.

They were social Thought Exercises. But they were not Human.

That some bitter soul out there would spend precious time banging out a 3000+ word invective on a copy of a copy of a copy existing merely in his head does not shock me.

I’ve heard others rave about the general need for more barefoot and pregnant woman to craft sandwiches, or the innate sexual aggression of men.
I’m happy to leave such mishmash to the trash can.

What I can’t quite wrap my head around though is that the Antioch Review— didn’t.
This article
was the total
intellectual and social
that it was.

Daniel Harris spluttered out a long-ass essay on a group of people he neither knows, cares
about nor likes, and this college deemed his Distorted Picture Important Enough to Publish, because he is Smart, an Author, has written about The Gays,
and Probably Knows What He Is Talking About, because
the Transgendereds and the Gays are Basically the Same Thing.

And when the shitstorm hit,the college mewed out some
milqtoast  about how the college does not align itself necessarily with the opinions published, nonetheless, it was published to facilitate open dialogue and discussion. i.e. Love it or hate it, we published this because we see in it SOME social/intellectual merit.


(I roll. ‘Volvo’ is Latin for ‘I roll.’
Get it? eye roll? Latin jokes?)


Many people will read the piece for what it is (thinly masked hate speech), some unfortunately, will take it at face value and now have another foothold in the Transgendereds Are Confused People Pumping Cement Into Their Buttocks’ line of arguments.

(Srsly, like… only one person has ever done that. Get over it.)

All joking aside, the article was so BAD, it would be funny–if there was not a disturbing amount of people already out there who still view transness as a mental illness or a strange outburst of internalized homophobia.

And not a SINGLE person at Team Antioch took the time to ask:
This is an OPINION, a particularly troll-y clickbait-y opinion.
… is it important to publish THIS particular opinion?
And if it is NOT important, why? Are we publishing it?

Why are we aligning ourselves with it?

Writers today can get on the Internet and reach thousands, potentially
millions of readers at the click of the ‘publish’ button. The question is no longer ‘can we’
but ‘are we qualified to speak?’ Ill-formed thoughts pop into our heads–do we swallow
them, or share, just because we can?

Do we have a moral obligation to question the importance of sharing our own opinions?

That’s not a rhetorical question, by the way. We all know the answer.

Stop the Social Experiments

Just a week before I read the Antioch poop, a YouTuber with a reach of millions of viewers had a neat idea.
Right now, there’s a big trans bathroom debate roiling; well, he would dress up
as a trans woman, infiltrate women’s bathrooms and show his viewers what trans women
Actually Go Through. Think of it as, a social experiment. Oh, and a trans friend coached him, so It’s Totally Okay.

[This idea is not a new one, of course. The entirety of the book ‘Black Like Me‘ was a guy
walking around in black-face for six weeks in the early 60s to reconfirm that American Blacks really. Were.Exposed to constant racism.] But I digress. Back to the Trans Bathroom Social Experiment.

With a garish platinum wig perched atop his ugly dude face (yeh, I’m being petty, but this is my own blog, so fuckit), this guy pulled a criminally nasty dress oVER HIS PANTS (!) and proceeded to follow women into the bathroom (and sometimes talk to them.) I know this will shock you, but most of the women were freaked out. Because a guy wearing a dress and a crooked wig was following them into the bathroom and trying to talk to them.

Totally not creepy or anything.
[That is, if they were even spontaneous participants, and not actresses.]
The video ends with a beaming YouTuber confirming that people ARE just as intolerant and horrible as we have suspected. Self fulfilling prophesy–
Hypothesis: Cis women seem to be intolerant of trans women in bathrooms.

Imagined result: Cis women ARE intolerant of trans women in bathrooms.

ACTUAL result: All women are intolerant of ugly cis guys in wigs, harassing them in the bathrooms.

‘But that’s what trans women are.’ One commenter argued. ‘Sometimes, they’re ugly guys who decide they’re women, and they don’t look good in their clothes, but they ‘decided’ they’re a woman.’

A haiku on that:

no no no no no
no no no no no no no
no no no no no

A prime example of what happens when someone is observing something they are not part of and yet they try to put it into words that they and people LIKE them can understand:
A loose interpretation at best, a horrible distorted harmful picture at worst.

‘Okay,’ another commenter argued in ‘comments.’ ‘How could he have done it better to impersonate a trans woman?’

He could have NOT DONE IT AT ALL. Just as Antioch College could have decided to
not publish the piece. After all, they presumably do not publish EVERY piece submitted.
If it was strictly about ‘Freedom of Speech’ EVERY piece, no matter how ill-conceived
or ill-written, would see the light of the literary day.

Not freedom of speech, but the hubris of humans, some quite intelligent
and far-reaching humans, being stuck in the simplistic sixth-grade mindset of ‘ALL opinions and viewpoints, no matter how toxic or ill-informed, are valid and interesting :)’

Some really aren’t, and some of the LAST THINGS the world needs right now
are shitty think-pieces and ‘social experiments’ speculating what it means
to live an experience the author has literally no stake in.

They do more harm than good.
They push misconceptions more than facilitate constructive discussion.
They distort the people they describe and focus on an author’s self-centered INTERPRETATION, not the actual people or issue.

Stop. Just stop.

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night

Last year, J and I embarked on a fool’s errand; to chew our way through every vampire movie ever made. (I don’t even know why this challenge started, let’s just run with it.) We sadly never made it through all, or even most, blood-sucking flicks, but one of my favorites made it into a picture:

a girl final

A girl walks home alone at night-– acrylic and ink over a painting I had abandoned YEARS ago– Canvas courtesy of my good friend W—

midnight 1

I’m sorry, but look at those guts. detail 1.



It’s supposed to be a pic for my cousin, but it turned out kind of nice and now I don’t want to give it to him.

Giving it to him though would be the right thing to do… right?
::nervous laughter::

If you haven’t seen the movie by the way, I definitely recommend—a mysterious girl roaming the night streets of a surreal Iranian ghosttown; injecting the fear of God into the wicked and the lustful—

And now, for the staff of WP, why did they change the way pictures on this site function? You can no longer click on a picture to enlarge it, this is so sad, why would you take this away?? ::crying:: Fixed, thank you, Scritch!!! ❤

Bathroom and More Bathroom

[rape and sexual assault mentions]

Lately not a single day goes by without an article or snippet pinging on my radar about people getting up in arms about those pesky transgendereds (sic) wanting to use the ‘wrong’ bathroom–or some state lobbying to pass a law allowing discrimination against trans kids in schools, and trans people in public places who want to use the bathroom they are most comfortable with.

And as one of those pesky trans people, I want to know, when will this stop being a thing?

Let’s trot out all the arguments I’ve ever heard about why we NEED to keep bathrooms genitally segregated, in the name of rape prevention, privacy and ‘feeling safe.’

Rape prevention

I can’t wrap my head around this weird obsession people seem to have with rape happening overwhelmingly in public restrooms. I mean, of course it DOES happen in public bathrooms. But it also happens in private bathrooms. In hospitals. In bedrooms, by family members. Basically, rape is happening where human beings are happening. It’s really got… little to do with bathrooms, insofar as I can see. It’s got to do with humans having warped ideas about who and what acts they are entitled to. Maybe we should be putting the onus on people who rape and not, trying to make arbitrary restrictions in areas we tentatively think rape is more likely to occur?

Privacy — Women Don’t Feel Safe with Men in the Bathroom

Now we get more to the crux of the issue. Easy as pie to dismantle.Nobody is asking that we let ‘men’ use women’s bathrooms (and yes, this issue is MOSTLY, sadly, about keeping trans women out of women’s bathrooms and not the other way around.) We’re asking that women, all women, trans, cis and otherwise, be allowed to use one bathroom.

Privacy II. — Women Don’t Feel Safe with P-p-penises in the Bathroom

It’s difficult to get hard figures on how many genital reassignment surgeries are performed yearly, but I venture that for many trans people, that remains a ‘last step.’ It is simply financially out of reach for most.For others, it’s just not a priority. What that means though is that many trans people will never have the genitals society says must ‘match’ their gender identity.

Here comes the argument that women’s bathrooms should be a ‘safe zone’ for cis women who have been sexually assaulted. (Trans ppl also get sexually assaulted, but I digress.) I read an argument once where someone claimed a rape victim shouldn’t be forced to suffer a triggering flashback just so a trans woman can pee in public. And honestly?

I am tired of sexual abuse being used as a catch-all ‘gotcha’ to support any hair-brained argument.

Women’s bathrooms have STALLS. You will be closer to a dick standing in a grocery line in front of a cis man than you will be in a bathroom, with stalls.

Let me tell you, as someone who has used women’s bathrooms for most of their life, how many times I’ve seen genitals in a public bathroom. The answer Trebek, is zero dollars.  People don’t go waving their junk around. They don’t do that at urinals either. You drop trou, don’t look right, don’t look left, and do your bizziss.

This is where the discussion starts to unfold all aromas of BS.  It stops being about ‘safety’ and ‘privacy’ and starts being about policing who ‘gets’ to call themselves a woman. Except guess what, earnest subscribers to this shit? YOU ARE ALREADY SHARING YOUR BATHROOMS WITH TRANS WOMEN : ) You just don’t know. Because they look exactly like you.

So it’s not about, I don’t want to share my bathroom with trans women (because that would be absolutely impossible to monitor). It’s about ‘I don’t want to share a public restroom with people *I* have decided don’t *look* *enough* like women and I’m going to make arbitrary arguments about safety. I want measures put it place that make it LEGAL to harass trans people who don’t ‘pass’, can’t afford to do so, or even just don’t want to.

Safety Redux

‘It doesn’t matter what you say. If a woman looks up in a public bathroom and sees someone who startles her, and it’s scary, that’s enough. We really NEED to keep bathrooms separate based on genitals.’

Now, this is really gonna bake your noodle but have you heard of… wait for it…. trans men???


Hiya, random trans guy. You gotta use the ladies room now. Good luck!


This is what some trans men look like. And right now, there are some lawmakers FIGHTING to get them into women’s bathrooms. So women …can stop feeling threatened by ‘men’ in the bathroom.

So well thought out, these plans.

Which brings me to the argument that’s just the mostest. It sounds like it was conceived by a 60+ Baby Boomer, recounting his 13-year-old spank-bank:

If we let trans women use women’s bathrooms, what is to keep men from impersonating women and sneaking into restrooms and locker rooms to spy on women—and worse?

Uhm… what is to keep them from doing that RIGHT NOW? …lmao. Better yet, what is to keep them from saying they are TRANS MEN (sounds like a heck of an easier stretch, for a cis man to impersonate a trans man, than a woman, cis OR trans). But yeah, NOTHING is keeping them from doing that, even today.

These proposed bills have nothing to do with rape prevention or safety. Because the people who want to rape and harm others already have laws in place to stop them! Which they already ignore! Wow! Going after actual perpetrators of sexual abuse would force us to examine people we want to respect and trust and identify with. They are overwhelmingly NOT strangers in bathrooms, but people who look like us and are close to us or are supposed to be protecting and mentoring us. And that’s HARD.

So let’s take those fears of rape and sexual deviancy and pin them unto easy targets: trans people, NAMELY, the ones who are already getting the shit end of the stick, that is to say, trans women who don’t pass (and to a lesser degree, all gender-nonconforming people). 

If someone is about fighting sexual assault, please go fight it, EVERYWHERE it is occurring, and please allow everyone else to use public bathrooms as we all use public bathrooms: dropping our  heads, keeping our eyes down, hoping it will be over soon and minding our own fokin business.